“Nice” Guys and Gals
“Sometimes, being overly nice can have negative consequences on our well-being.”
Who are “Nice” Guys and Gals?
Giving kindness and compassion to others is one of the greatest gifts you can offer. Researchers have found that performing acts of kindness and compassion can actually make us feel happier and bring about positive changes in our brains. In other words, it feels good to be nice!
Sometimes, being overly nice can have negative consequences on our well-being. People who are always doing nice things for others, even at the cost of their own interests, are often referred to as "nice guys and gals". Though they are usually well-liked, they may be inviting stress and headaches by inadvertently encouraging people to take advantage of them. While it's true that being kind and polite can help when dealing with others, "nice guys and gals" need to be careful not to sacrifice their own interests for the interests of others.
Regarding the research on kindness and happiness, it is important to understand that as long as you sacrifice yourself for others, complete happiness is not possible.
Why do “Nice” Guys and Gals overextend themselves?
Many people may have a central belief that they are not valuable, likable, or lovable and, therefore, rely on constant approval and acceptance by others to maintain their self-esteem and self-worth. Some people try to please others to avoid conflict and rejection. And still, others may simply want to treat people the way they wish to be treated, with the hope of being valued and appreciated themselves.
Why do I specialize in helping “Nice” Guys and Gals?
As someone who identifies as a "nice guy" in recovery, I understand how it may feel like being too nice has held you back at times. The good news is that it's possible to maintain your identity as a kind and thoughtful person while also setting necessary boundaries to protect your best interests.
You may be a “Nice” Guy or Gal if you:
Rarely speak up for yourself
Have been referred to as a “people pleaser.”
Almost always say “yes” or have difficulty saying “no.”
Frequently make one-sided compromises
Rarely ask for what you want or need
Work hard to be liked and accepted
Rarely tell people when you are mad at or upset with them
Frequently get stuck doing the “dirty” work
Apologize frequently and sometimes even for things you are not responsible for
Avoid conflict with others.
Find it very difficult to live with the thought that someone does not like you.
Find it very difficult to live with the thought that you have disappointed someone.
Potential Costs of Being a “Nice” Guy or Gal:
According to research, individuals who are considered to be "nice guys/gals" tend to earn lower incomes, experience increased stress and frustration, and are at a higher risk of being manipulated or exploited. Additionally, their relationships may become strained as a result of these experiences.
If you find yourself in any of these situations, please do not hesitate to contact me. I would be more than happy to speak with you and assist you in prioritizing your own well-being. Keep in mind that it's never too late to put yourself first!
