Festivus, Family, and Finding Peace: Navigating Holiday Tension
The holidays are often described as a time of joy, connection, and celebration. But in 2025, it’s impossible to ignore how much political polarization and social tension have impacted nearly every family and community. Recent research from Pew, published October 30, 2025, shows that majorities of Americans continue to view both major political parties as too extreme in their positions—61% feel this way about the GOP and 57% about the Democratic Party (Pew Research Center, 2025). These divisions can make gatherings feel less like a celebration and more like navigating a minefield of unresolved issues and strong emotions.
If you’re feeling anxious about holiday family time, you’re not alone. The reality is that almost everyone has felt the effects of these tensions—whether it’s disagreements over politics, values, or simply the stress of trying to keep the peace when things feel unsettled. And whether your family is your biological relatives, close friends, or chosen family, these challenges can affect any group that’s important to you. And even in circles where most people see eye-to-eye on controversial topics, conversations can still become echo chambers, intensifying emotions or leaving some feeling unheard. Shared viewpoints don’t always guarantee smooth interactions, and it’s normal to experience frustration, hurt, or uncertainty about how to approach difficult conversations.
A Nod to Festivus
Fans of the sitcom Seinfeld might remember Festivus—a made-up holiday where families gather to “air their grievances” and tell each other how they’ve been disappointed over the past year. While this tradition is funny to watch, most of us know that airing out every complaint at the holiday table probably isn’t a good idea.
Still, Festivus reminds us that many families have unresolved issues, and it’s normal to feel tension during the holidays. If you need a quick laugh, here’s the classic Festivus “Airing of Grievances” scene:
If you want a quick laugh, here’s the classic Festivus dinner scene:
Navigating Family Conflict During the Holidays
Recognize the Complexity
Family dynamics are rarely simple. Conflict can stem from political beliefs, relationship tensions, hurts, or differences in values. It’s okay to feel conflicted or anxious—these emotions are valid.
Decide What Needs to Be Addressed Now:
Urgent Issues: If something affects your safety, well-being, or the immediate health of your relationships, consider addressing it before a gathering.
Non-Urgent Issues: If the issue can wait, allow yourself to delay the conversation. Holidays are not always the best time for resolving deep conflicts.
Set Boundaries to Protect Your Well-Being
Internal Boundaries: Decide what you’re willing to let go of for now, and what you need to hold onto. Practice self-soothing strategies, like deep breathing, stepping outside, or taking a moment alone.
External Boundaries: If specific topics are off-limits, communicate this ahead of time or gently redirect conversations. For example: “I’d love to focus on enjoying our time together—can we save this conversation for another day?”
Additional example phrases for difficult moments:
“I respect that you have a perspective on this, but I’d rather not discuss this today.”
“I want to focus on what brings us together right now.”
“I need to take a break. Let’s talk more about this another time.”
“Honestly, we see this differently. I’d prefer we talk about something else.”
Honor Your Experience—Even If Others Don’t
If you choose not to address a difficult issue during the holidays, don’t deny or minimize your feelings. Setting a boundary doesn’t mean you have to deny your own experience or needs—it simply means you’re choosing when and how to care for yourself.
Coping with Tension in the Moment:
You Don’t Have to Do Anything You Don’t Want To: Remember, you have the right to protect your well-being. If someone crosses a boundary, you can leave the conversation or the gathering altogether.
Have an Exit Plan: Know how you’ll excuse yourself or change the subject if things get heated.
Bring Support: If possible, attend with a trusted friend or partner who understands your situation.
Practice Self-Care: Schedule downtime before and after gatherings, and give yourself permission to decompress.
Validate Your Experience and Seek Support
It’s normal to feel overwhelmed, especially in today’s climate. If you need extra support, consider reaching out to a mental health professional or support group. Your well-being matters.
The holidays don’t have to be perfect, and you don’t have to resolve every family issue at once. By recognizing your feelings, setting boundaries, and caring for yourself, you can find more peace—even when things are complicated. And if you need a moment of levity, remember: you don’t have to participate in a real-life “Airing of Grievances” to honor your own needs.
As an individual in a family system, if you need support or guidance in dealing with family conflict, our practice is here to help.
Pew Research Center. (2025, October 30). A year ahead of the midterms, Americans’ dim views of both parties. Pew Research Center - Politics. Read the report
This article was produced with the assistance of artificial intelligence, enhancing our commitment to delivering insightful content.
