Coping & Calm: Tools for Managing Life
This page was created by Montesinos Counseling Services to provide strategies and tools for managing anxiety, stress, and overwhelm.
Each guide below offers practical, compassionate strategies you can use anytime, anywhere.
Note: These resources are for educational purposes and not a substitute for professional counseling or medical care.
-
This technique helps slow your heart rate and calm your nervous system. It’s great for anxiety, stress, and even physical discomfort.
How to Do It:
Sit comfortably or lie down. Place one hand on your chest and one on your stomach.
Inhale deeply through your nose for 4 seconds, feeling your stomach rise (not just your chest).
Hold that breath gently for 7 seconds.
Exhale slowly through your mouth for 8 seconds, imagining tension leaving your body.
Repeat this cycle 3–4 times, or until you notice a subtle shift—like your shoulders lowering or your thoughts slowing.
💡 Tip: Try this before stressful events, during long waits, or right before bed.
-
This method helps your body release stored tension that builds from constant worry.
How to Do It:
Sit or lie down where you won’t be interrupted.
Starting at your feet, tense the muscles (curl your toes or flex your feet) for 5 seconds.
Release and notice the difference between tension and relaxation.
Move slowly upward—calves, thighs, stomach, shoulders, face—tightening and releasing each muscle group.
When you reach your face, soften your jaw and unclench your teeth.
💡 Tip: If you notice tension building later in the day, pause and release just one area (like your shoulders) instead of doing the full scan.
-
This practice helps bring your awareness back to the present moment when your mind spirals with “what-ifs.”
How to Do It:
5 – Look around and name five things you can see.
4 – Notice four things you can touch. Feel their texture or temperature.
3 – Listen for three sounds—a hum, voices, or your own breathing.
2 – Identify two things you can smell. (If you can’t smell much, name scents you enjoy.)
1 – Focus on one thing you can taste. Even a sip of water counts.
💡 Tip: Say each step out loud or write it down if you need help slowing racing thoughts.
🧘♀️ Relaxation & Mindfulness Techniques
💬 Coping With Anxiety
-
Anxiety often feels like:
Your mind running in circles
Trouble breathing or tightness in your chest
Feeling on edge or restless
Trouble sleeping or focusing
Recognizing these sensations early can help you use a coping tool before anxiety grows stronger.
-
When anxiety rises quickly:
Step outside for fresh air—notice the temperature, light, and ground beneath you.
Run your hands under cool or warm water for 30 seconds.
Listen to calming sounds (nature, instrumental music, white noise).
Name one thing that’s within your control and take one small action related to it.
💡 Example: “I can’t control test results, but I can take three deep breaths or call someone who listens.”
-
Writing helps externalize anxious thoughts so they don’t stay trapped in your mind.
Try these prompts:“Right now, I feel ____ because ____.”
“One thing that helped me cope in the past was ____.”
“Today, I will give myself permission to ____.”
💖 Support for Parents & Caregivers
When your child or a family member is in treatment, your own emotions can swing between hope, fear, exhaustion, and guilt. These are normal responses to an abnormal situation. Taking care of yourself is not selfish—it’s essential.
-
Anchor Object: Keep a small, comforting item with you—a stone, bracelet, or photo. When stress rises, hold it and take three deep breaths.
Micro-Moments of Calm: Choose short breaks rather than waiting for long ones. Pause before entering a hospital room or stepping into your car.
Self-Talk Shift: Instead of “I can’t handle this,” say “This is hard, but I’m still here.”
-
Invite your family member to breathe with you (including your child if they are old enough):
Sit together, hand on belly.
Count 1–2–3 as you inhale, 1–2–3 as you exhale.
Tell them, “We’re breathing in calm and breathing out worry.”
These moments can help both of you feel more connected and safe.
🎶 Music as Medicine: Finding Calm Through Sound
When words fail or stress feels too heavy, music can reach parts of us that talking can’t. The right song can lower your heart rate, help you breathe more evenly, and remind you that moments of peace still exist — even in hardship.
-
Create a Calm-Down Playlist
Choose songs that feel soothing, familiar, or uplifting — anything that helps you exhale.Match Your Mood First, Then Shift It
If you’re feeling anxious, start with a song that matches your energy (fast tempo, expressive lyrics), then gradually move toward slower, softer music.Use Music for Micro-Moments
While driving to or from appointments
During waiting periods
Before bed or while journaling
Engage Your Senses
Hum or sing softly to deepen the calming effect.
Close your eyes (if safe to do so) and focus on one instrument or vocal line.
Pair it with slow breathing: inhale for 4 counts, exhale for 6.
-
Gentle rhythms, hopeful lyrics, and comforting tones.
Smile — Nat King Cole
Don’t Worry, Be Happy — Bobby McFerrin
What a Wonderful World — Louis Armstrong
Here Comes the Sun — The Beatles
Count on Me — Bruno Mars
Three Little Birds — Bob Marley (“Every little thing is gonna be alright”)
Somewhere Over the Rainbow / What a Wonderful World — Israel Kamakawiwoʻole
Let It Be — The Beatles
Fix You — Coldplay
Peaceful Easy Feeling — Eagles
-
For moments when you need courage, faith, or motivation to keep going.
Rise Up — Andra Day
Brave — Sara Bareilles
Fight Song — Rachel Platten
Beautiful Day — U2
You’ve Got a Friend — James Taylor
Stand by Me — Ben E. King
Lean on Me — Bill Withers
Keep Your Head Up — Andy Grammer
Ain’t No Mountain High Enough — Marvin Gaye & Tammi Terrell
The Climb — Miley Cyrus
-
When you need to slow down, process, or cry safely — not all healing is upbeat.
River — Leon Bridges
Landslide — Fleetwood Mac
Gravity — John Mayer
Holocene — Bon Iver
Bridge Over Troubled Water — Simon & Garfunkel
Let It Go — James Bay
Someone Like You — Adele
Fix My Eyes — For King & Country
If You Need Additional Support
Our team of counselors is here to walk with you. Whether you’re looking for short-term tools or ongoing therapy, we offer compassionate care tailored to your needs. Click the button below to schedule an appointment now.
