It can be argued that one of the greatest gifts you can give another is kindess and compassion. Further, being kind has been researched and the results suggest that engaging in acts of kindness and compassion can make us feel happy…in others words, it can feel good to be nice!
However, they are times when being too nice can prevent us from living a healthy and happy life. “Nice guys and gals” are people who are constantly doing nice things for others, often at their own expense. As a result, while people tend to like them, “nice guys and gals” sacrifice their own interests for the interests of others. The saying “you can attract more flies with honey than vinegar” often holds true when with dealing with people; however, “nice guys and gals” may also be attracting headaches and stress by unintentionally inviting people to take advantage of them.
Regarding the research on kindness and happiness, it is important to understand that as long as you sacrifice yourself for others, complete happiness is not possible.
Why do “nice guys/gals” overextend themselves?
At the core, there is a belief that in and of themselves, they have little value, are not likeable or lovable. Therefore, their self-esteem and self-worth is founded on constant acceptance by and the approval of others.
Why do I specialize in helping “nice guys/gals”?
Because I am a “nice guy” in recovery, and can relate to what it is like to feel as though being too nice has set you back at times. The good news is that you can be a “nice guy/gal” and still set the boundaries needed to ensure your best interests are upheld.
You may be a “nice guy/gal” if:
– You rarely speak up for yourself
– You have been referred to as a “people pleaser”
– You almost always say “yes” or have difficulty saying “no”
– You frequently make compromises
– You rarely ask for what you want
– You work really hard to be liked
– You rarely tell people when you are mad at or upset with them
– You frequently get stuck doing the “dirty” work
– You apologize frequently and sometimes even for things you are not responsible for
– You avoid conflict
– You find it very difficult to live with the thought that someone does not like you
– You find it very difficult to live with the thought that you have disappointed someone
A few potential costs of being a “nice guy/gal”:
– Recent research has suggested that “nice guys/gals” earn less income
– Increased stress and frustration in life
– Increased risk of being manipulated or exploited
– Strained relationships
If you can relate to these experiences, give me a call, as I’d be happy to speak with you. It is never too late to give yourself the permission to put yourself first!